Posts Tagged ‘Autumn/Winter 09’

(Scarf: Marks & Spencer, Dress: H+M, Cardigan, Sunglasses and Shoes: Primark)

So the other day I happened to accidentally stumble into Sandhurst’s very big and very impressive Marks & Sparks, and simply couldn’t resist this faux fur scarf despite my more-than-just-a-little-bit-embarrassing credit rating.

Don’t you just love it? I have to say, I really seem to be developing a fetish for all things fur lately. Faux fur, may I add, before PETA start chucking rubber maggots and red paint at me.

So lovely dear squishy readers, please do tell me what you think of this fabulous fur revival. I think I am very almost tempted to raid the January sales in the hope of grabbing me an absolutely furtastic coat bargain. That, or I might actually start to bother raiding the local thrift/charity stores.

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Before you read this, please don’t get me wrong: I love fashion. In fact, I love it so much I obey and embrace each new trend as though fashion itself is some sort of dictating Fuhrer and I am the obedient, trend-displaying nazi.

Recently, however, it has come to my attention that the Autumn/Winter trends of ‘09 appear to have a pre-conceived hatred for yours truly, and I have no idea why.

The Shiny Leggings

#Take yesterday, for example. The ideal shopping experience: the sun was high, the first Uni semester ever nigh, and I was ready to splurge papers on some well-coordinated outfits for the Autumn/Winter term. In my absolute element, I decided there and then that I was going to outdo Victoria Beckham and The Pussycat Dolls and invest in a pair of very tight, very shiny black PVC leggings. Hot stuff. As I charged around each store in desperate attempt to seek out the ideal shiny leggings, I finally found myself what could only be described as “the perfect pair”. I dashed to the changing rooms, shiny PVC leggings in one hand, never doubting for one second that such a garment could make me feel like VB’s morbidly obese younger sister. After what must have been a solid 10 minutes grunting and squeezing my way into the clingy, bin-liner-esque plastic that made up these leggings, I stood back in the mirror to admire my efforts and… well… my once fairly-sized ego was well and truly busted. I looked fat. And not just your average, slightly-overweight fat either. I looked well and truly ridiculous-fat. Whilst my upper half remained slender and, in my eyes, relatively normal, my bottom half seemed to resemble a very awkward and very bad case of elephantitis, with super-wide knees, cankles, the lot. Now, whilst I have never before complained about the size of my behind or my “thunder” thighs, these particular leggings had the rather impressive ability to emphasise each lump and bump with more cruelty and scrutiny than Trinny and Susannah. I was horrified. Needless to say, the leggings were carelessly slung over the “no thanks” rail in a rather outraged huff.

So why then, does the fashion industry insist on bringing to light the most unforgiving of trends? Take, for example, this summer: the return of the 90’s crop top. Thankfully, I have seen so few women embracing this trend that even I forgot it existed. It has only been the stark number of beautifully printed summer tops cropped to a highly unsuitable midriff-bearing length in shop windows that I have been reminded of this very cruel trend. This furthermore poses the following question: why make an item of clothing fashionable if it involves taking out a gym membership in order to make it wearable? Thankfully, the women I have spotted taking advantage of this trend did have that kind of washboard flat stomach that you usually only ever find on the bodies of popstars and supermodels. Well, if you’ve got it, flaunt it and all that. I know I certainly don’t. Then again, I would much rather choose the very bloating option of bread, rice and potatoes any day over a very obviously hungry stomach.

On that note, whatever happened to the maternity-style tops that graced the catwalks several years ago? They were a God-send for those expanding muffin top days! What’s more, the minute the swathing fabric made you feel like a whale in a tent you could take out an uber-trendy thick belt and cinch it round your waist and… BAM! You were a woman again.

Never mind eh, trends are forever being changed and reinvented, and I’m sure it won’t be long now til the super-tight, figure-hugging, 80s-revamped trends will be well and truly buried. For now, I’ll sick to my loose tops and dresses, ignore Voge and forget about any unforgiving lumps and bumps, and play around with this season’s acid bright colours instead. You can’t go wrong with a bit of colour, surely?